Darkness of Leadership
by PajamaLinds
Summary: Personal take on the life of Tseng. First out of four in a little series about the Turks history.


**_Darkness of Leadership_**  
_by Pajama-Linds_  
  
AN: It's the night before the AP exam in US history, and I'm writing fanfiction?! Screw US history, this is more fun and more worthwhile! A-hem, anyways this is the first part of the first story of four stories about the Turks, one for each of them. I hope I have portrayed this as believable as it is. Eee! Have fun. Now back to studying...  
  
~*~  
  
I have no regrets.  
  
Even as I lay here, with this neat line across my chest, letting go of my life, I do not wish to go back and change my past. I have had a productive, hardworking life, but now it is time to rest. I cannot do anymore for the people I've worked with, for the job I did, or for the city I lived in. I bid them farewell on my journey to the Lifestream.  
  
I cannot go on. I must lay down my burden here and let it rest.  
  
My mission is finished. I feel the life draining out of me with each passing moment. Even still, I do not have regrets.  
  
Now I have time to think about my life before it all fades away...  
  
~*~  
  
I grew up in Wutai, among several older siblings. Everyone looked down on me. I was picked on for a large potion of my life over the simplest things, like typical family rivalry, but I was occasionally struck because of my parents' stress. Even though oppressed by my family, I had a strong burning desire to succeed in ways that my brothers and sisters had not.  
  
Over time, I heard stories about cities such as and and a major company called This Shinra had had their presence here in Wutai. There was a war fought in this area, before I could remember, attempting to expand into other territories. I don't remember this too well, but that was the first time I heard of Shinra. I do remember wanting to learn more. Much more.  
  
In contrast to my siblings, I got the highest education available in Wutai and with a recommendation to travel abroad and further my education. Reluctantly, my parents let me go to Junon. Without their knowing, I signed up for learning more about Shinra. They would have been furious. Every tale told of Shinra ended with bitter anger. But I thought for myself, not believing what my parents implied about them. I had to see for myself.  
  
~*~  
  
Once in Junon, in my late teens, and away from Wutai (which I was not planning on returning to), I became involved with receiving a higher education. I learned more about Shinra than I could have hoped for. It was a company, set in becoming a world dominator by using Mako power.  
  
For some reason, I felt like I found exactly what I had hoped for. A chance to prove myself. A chance to work. A chance to overpower those who oppressed me.  
  
I found Junon to be very different than home. For one, the girls were more independent, more free-spirited, and no uptight social classes holding them in place. This was truly a change. Also, the air was different, heavier even. And the weather wasn't as warm as Wutai's.  
  
Perhaps the most interesting point was that of diversity. Rich, average, and poor people from all over the world came here to work or to study, from Mideel, Midgar, Cosmo Canyon, Nibelham... and Wutai. The people from Cosmo Canyon were by far the most in-depth researchers, but by far the fewest. They tended, I noticed, to want to research the planet, and it was somewhat difficult to do so in a city like Junon.   
  
Once in school, I met this bubbly, blonde girl who came from a very rich family in Midgar (on top of the plate,' she said). She was a bit younger than myself and more immature, but she took a quick liking to me. Maybe because I was one of the very few Wutains that the students had ever seen. Or maybe because I was seen as book smart and very serious about studies. Whatever the reason was, I would talk to her at times, help her with her work (even if she sometimes seemed nervous around me)... but somehow we ended up talking about Shinra one day.  
  
Say, Tseng, what do you hope to do in your life? she asked me.  
  
I hesitated, not knowing if what I wanted was acceptable to say. I... I want to work for Shinra. She nodded, urging me to continue. I want to have some type of power over others... I went on to talk about my moderate family abuse and the desire to end my own oppression.  
  
This girl listened to me intently. Once I stopped, she said, You know, my father was a high-ranking executive in the Peace Preservation department, and he mentioned this group called the Turks' once. You should look into that. And with a slight twitch of nervousness, she suddenly got up and left.  
  
With that, I continued studying and started looking up the Turks. Information was somewhat hard to come by, mainly because Shinra hid information about their group. Apparently, they were an underground organization for Shinra that did the work that others would not have the guts to do, like spying, murder, and kidnapping; and on a slightly lighter side, scouting out members for SOLDIER. I found that immediately appealing.  
  
I made arrangements soon after to finish my education in Junon, then travel to Midgar to talk to Heidegger, a Shinra employee and Wutain war veteran who had experience in commanding and ordering underground groups, perfect for the Turks. It was hard to get a time to meet with him, for he was a very busy man. And secretive. Eventually, I got hold of a secretary who set up a meeting for us in a couple of months. I was pleased.  
  
I let my friend know about this decision. She nodded, and wondered if we would ever meet up again. I told her that I didn't know, and she let the topic drop.  
  
Within months, I was packing, readying to leave Junon for Midgar. I had graduated from the school with honors and a demanding desire to succeed. The days leading up to my departure, I began to loose sleep over the thought of me, lowly Tseng, rising to be a Shinra employee, and maybe more. Soon, dreams of me in the Turks began to surface, then dreams of leading the Turks... I told myself not to get my hopes up; anything could happen. But these dreams built a goal in my mind. I couldn't surpress them.  
  
The night before my airship flight out, I went out for a walk within the school grounds (it was rather unsafe for anyone to be downtown at that hour). I was deep in thought, trying to control my dreams, when my friend appeared suddenly at my side.  
  
So, tomorrow's your day, hmm? she said, startling me. She smiled. You know, you have a great chance of making it to a high position in Shinra.  
  
I smiled as well. Thank you, I said, inclining my head as a small bow, an action I do as a habit, tradition from my home. I suddenly flinched at the thought of home. I haven't given a thought of home in such a long time, due to my obsession with my studies. I felt a pang of guilt.  
  
She looked at me curiously. What's wrong?  
  
I shook my head, trying to clear out those thoughts. _Nothing was wrong..._  
  
She held her gaze for a moment then dropped it, probably realizing that I wasn't going to tell her. Several seconds, even minutes passed in silence as we walked slowly around the small campus, both of us pensive. She spoke after a time.  
  
Do you... do you think I can make it high into Shinra?  
  
Now, knowing her, her mild lifestyle, her rich background, her ever-so-cheerful personality, I had a feeling she wouldn't. Of course, I wouldn't tell her so. Instead I said: If you truly believe, if you set your mind to it, and if you work for what you want, then there will be no doubt in it.  
  
Her eyes lit up. I will, Tseng, thank you! I'll try hard! With that, she threw her arms around my neck, catching me in surprise. After a moment, she let go and started walking away. Perhaps we'll meet again! she called.  
  
~*~


End file.
